The Seeds We Plant

There are seeds we plant in our own lives with our actions--that’s something I’ve talked about quite a bit in our blogs on the Law of Compounding. But what about the seeds you plant in others with your words and actions? Are you planting seeds of shame, perfectionism, or volatility? Or are you planting seeds of repentance, acceptance, and love?

I had to process a lot of things from my childhood with my Head Coach (counselor), Twila. One of those things was that when I was very young, my mom planted in me the seed of becoming volatile in interpersonal relationships. The result was that the people in my life who I loved the most had to endure my evil twin when we had conflict. I would blow up and become volatile and hurt them with my words, then experience immense shame afterward. Of course, I apologized, but I had already vomited all that ugliness on the ones I loved and the damage was done, and seeds were planted.

There was a day when I realized, “I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t want to do that ever again.” That’s when I knew I needed help to process that so I could change my behavior.

The first time I remember having that seed of volatility planted in me was when my best friend fell out of a second-story playhouse, and was injured badly. When my mom heard how serious it was, she completely lost it and went off the deep end. In times of great emotional distress, that’s how she reacted. So I learned that when we’re in great emotional distress, we freak out and yell at people.

During that same event, though, my dad was planting entirely different seeds in my mind. He sat me down and calmly talked about what was going on, and what kind of action we could take. He modeled stepping back and thinking when a stressful situation arose, showing me how to be calm in chaos.

In times of crisis with others outside of my family, my dad’s seed developed. It was in interpersonal relationships with those I was very close to where my mother’s seed grew its roots. Those seeds my dad planted are what allowed me to ultimately change my behavior with those I am close to. The seed was in there, I just had to water it. Pulling out those deep roots from the seeds my mom had planted was hard, because they had been growing a long time, but it was worth the effort.

What kinds of seeds are you planting in those you love? Especially the younger people in your life. The things you say to your kids can shape their entire future and their behavior with others.

Remember that as adults, we are all default guides to children. They look to us to model behavior, and to show them the way things work. Guides don’t plant seeds of shame, a guide is a person who uplifts with positive expectations.